In this excellent blogpost from HealMyPTSD.com by Martha Trowbridge, we can see how PTSD can make us “automatically” hate ourselves, and read her excellent suggestions on healing our Spirits.
Contemplation: Choose a day in which you can devote yourself to recording every choice you make, every action you take, and every thought, every emotion that holds power over you. Choice, action, thought, emotion – note each from the moment you awaken, through the moment you fall asleep, as well as those you experience in your sleepless hours. Do not assess, just note.
On a day when you have energy, take out your notes. Review them, incident by incident. Was each choice, action, thought and emotion:
– self-loving [self-protecting / self-nurturing / self-embracing / self-cherishing] or
– self-hating [self-endangering / self-destroying / self-critical, self-rejecting / self- neglecting]?
As you review your day, can you detect responses to noxious stimuli that aided and abetted the crimes your PTSD committed against you?
Now, study your notes to see where you can begin to change your responses to PTSD’s noxious stimuli. Identify, then commence with one small change in your response. One small way you can begin to interact with yourself in a kind, loving manner. Practice your self-loving response, until it becomes your ‘default response’ to the stimulus. Celebrate! Then get to work on another noxious stimulus.
As you begin to practice authentic self-love, you will come to perfectly understand why your Spirit has grown so weary. You will come to fully comprehend how toxic your Spirit’s environs have been.
Which is why, in order to truly heal from trauma and depression, you must turn your dedicated attentions to purification.
Purification is essential to authentic healing. This requires purification of your weary, assaulted Spirit, and purification of your Spirit’s surroundings. Odd as it may at first seem, it requires your firm commitment to Purity Of Heart, and Purity Of Spirit. Without this commitment you are likely to fall prey to future violations, future traumatizations. Given the condition of your traumatized Spirit, is it likely your Spirit will survive them? What’s more, given all you have already suffered, do you really want to put your Spirit to this cruel test?
Through the shrieks of your traumatic sufferings, your Sacred Spirit is desperately pleading with you. To protect Her [Him]. To honor Her [Him]. To enter into am everlasting dynamic of authentic self-love, in which all your future choices, interactions and purpose seek to protect, respect, treasure, honor and celebrate Her [Him].
Our Spirit is our central processor, through which all else in our existence passes – all that occurs within our body and our mind, all that we feel, think and do, all that we are. It is our quintessential identity. Within our Spirit dwells our past, present and future. As our connective tissue with God, our Spirit is thoroughly sacred in nature; when long dishonored, traumatic experience overwhelms our Spirit, throwing Her [Him] into crisis. Prolonged PTSD is, simply put, a Crisis Of Spirit.
In your healing quest, what happened to you to stir up PTSD, or by whom it was inflicted has little importance. To rise up from your ruins and truly heal, from this moment on you must commit to authentic self-love, turning your devoted attentions to its faithful practice.
Hate your trauma, if you must, but not your Spirit. Authentically love and support Her [Him]. In this time of crisis, your Spirit needs you more than ever.
Please join me in loving gratitude to Michele Rosenthal, for her prodigious work on behalf of those who suffer PTSD.
– Wings Of Self-Love: Soaring To Glorious Healing From Trauma And Depression by Martha Trowbridge
Martha Trowbridge is Executive Producer and Host at Martha Trowbridge Radio, LLC: Empathic Wisdom For Suffering Women. As a victim of violence two decades ago, for years she experienced PTSD, accompanied by traumatic depression.